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  • Writer's pictureTania Caza

Video 3 - Drama Free Leader - Don't Take Things Personally

Updated: Feb 9, 2023

In the 3rd video of the Drama Free Leader series, I talk about Not Taking Things Personally! Much easier said than done, I know!

One of my favorite books is The Four Agreements. One of the Agreements is to Not Take Things Personally. The book talks about how nothing other people do is because of you and that others are too busy living in their own world to try and also live in your world. So, we need to stop imposing our world on others.

This applies in the context of leadership too!

❓Maybe you're worried about having a tough conversation or dealing with a performance issue.

❓Maybe you're worried about a peer or employee not liking you.

❓Or maybe you're worried about how good of a leader you are or think you are an imposter?

Becoming a drama-free leader means not taking things personally by keeping things factual. Here is a loose framework you can follow:

1. Get prepared - clarify the expected behaviors and outcomes of your employees or other relationships.

2. Have a Conversation - meet face-to-face or virtually and have a real conversation about the expectations. Listen to any feedback or perspectives they have and adjust accordingly. Get to an AGREEMENT. Ensure there is clear understanding and acknowledgment by all parties.

3. Hold the Agreement - if someone falls outside of the agreement, have a conversation about it. Be empathetic and listen to their story, make tweaks if necessary, and gain agreement again.

4. Step Away - if you need to research something, regroup, or gain clarity again, it's ok to step away from a conversation and try again at a later time. Ensure you stay factual and are not taking things personally.

5. Articulate the Path Forward - if the employee continues to go outside of the agreement, it's time to introduce a consequence. The consequence you choose will depend on the level of severity needed. Regardless, this is factual and there is no need to get sucked into the drama or excuses of why the agreements are not being kept.

Certainly, this framework will need to be flexible with the situation and the process per person. Just remember the goal is to always gain understanding and agreement of the path forward every step of the way.

Good luck with this. I encourage you to not take things personal and be a drama free leader!

As always, happy to discuss further. Check out my link in the comments below.

Happy Leading!

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